i can't believe i had my finger in that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
