we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
