Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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