At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
