bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
