I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
