Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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