Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
