at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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