There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
