Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
