i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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