Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
