Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
only you would photoshop your dick
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
