Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
