If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
