I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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