I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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