I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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