i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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