drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
