I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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