Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
