we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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