Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
