I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize