I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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