And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Who died my cat blue again?
I supernannyed him into submission
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
