You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
