According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
