I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
