I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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