The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
