I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
