This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
