One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
