She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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