Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
