I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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