Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
