I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
