i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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