you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
