I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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