I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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