Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
