For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
