On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize