Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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