Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
