You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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