On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
should my penis look like a turkey
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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