WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I want is dick and wine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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