hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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