I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
