awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
