if you like me you must not know who I am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
