I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
