ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
