MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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